BEN’S BLOG: ‘I am Totally Clueless’

Blog, I need to let you into a secret…it has come to my attention, that I am completely clueless about virtually everything in the whole world:

I don’t know who anyone famous is and have thus made a total fool of myself at social functions. At a birthday-party, somebody (David Weir), told me he was the Scotland Football Captain. I laughed in his face, and responded that I was also the Dutch Captain. When meeting top jockey Mick Fitzgerald, in a box at the races, I half recognised him and welcomed him by saying “Oh, you’re Mick Kinane, arent you?”. FOOL.

I listen to the radio all day but have no musical knowledge, neither can I play any instrument.

I definitely don’t know anything about any sport. Literally nothing.

I only know who about 5 politicians are when I turn the television on and my political nouse is solely limited to winding-up Lefties.

I know when I like a painting but know nothing about Art whatsoever.

Contrary to popular belief, I don’t actually have any proper knowledge of cooking or cuisine. In the kitchen, I start and finish at a Sunday Roast. I order a Chicken Korma when I go for an Indian. And all I really know about food, is that I like big portions and everything, except red-meat and vegetables, to be served well-done.

I am culturally inept and repeatedly choose to go on holiday to Tenerife.

I am a Licensed Bookmaker but have never read the Gambling Commission’s Terms & Conditions. I would have no idea, myself, if I was doing something against the rules.

When arriving at Towcester for the Greyhound Derby Heats, Royal Ascot or the Cheltenham Festival, I cannot name a single runner on the card. And often, on leaving the meeting, having been betting there for 3 hours, would still be unable to.

I have VAST gaps, Blog, in general knowledge, that I know I should fill. But, Ignorance Personified, I just don’t know if I can be bothered or even have the energy to try and fill them. At the age of 39, I have realised that; I AM TOTALLY AND UTTERLY CLUELESS..!

In other news:

Interesting Fact to learn from: Don Bradman only hit 6, sixes, in his whole career. Don’t worry about becoming a trillionaire by the end of play this Friday. JUST KEEP GETTING YOUR HANDS ON A FEW QUID.

Over and out, B x