BEN KEITH’S BLOG: “MD, Hove, WLT (would like to) Employ…”

“Managing-Director, 44, Hove, enjoys going to grungy gigs of never to be heard again bands, eating in Guardian reviewed restaurants, and holidaying in countries where the toilets will definitely be dirty. W.L.T.Employ fellow back-office middle-class leftie. Not above mediocre standard, as to fit in. Must own a communist looking bicycle, wear plain brown t-shirts to work, and enjoy condescending conversation and private-jokes regarding less bohemian activities of others. Key-worker/public-sector experience essential. Apply in confidence. Interview in corner of Starbucks.”

Oh Blog, poor Gaul Wood. He’s pining David ‘Shoreditch’ Hadrell leaving Star. The back-office is such an empty place for him. With me smearing the Daily Mail into his eyes every minute of the day and just no comrades to hold him up in the fight.

I found this little employment advert scribbled out on his desk, damp and smudged from Gaul’s tears, obviously set to appear in the jobs section of the Guardian.

Do you think YOU can fill David’s shoes? Is this the position for you? Can you be Gaul’s back-office companion? Do you have a full knowledge of trendy East European capital cities, do you go to work with a leather, over the shoulder, postman style bag, do you always have a cultured excuse as to why you need to leave early on a Friday, and does everything I say and believe in revile you??

If so, this could be the job for you.

Don’t tell Gaul about me seeing the advert though, he’d be dreadfully upset, Blog.

In other news:

My last blog, in which I compared Pam Statements to a tank crashing through the jungle, has been brought into question. I could not think of any better compliment to pay Ms Statements, so I’ll let you decide.

Tank crushing through jungle.

Pam Statements working at Star Sports.

Over and out, Ben x