BEN KEITH’S BLOG: ‘When will Pam Statements own Star Sports? 24-27 months is the price?!’
Less than three years ago, Pam arrived at Star, and helped out on Monday mornings. Her addition to the Star empire was associated with doing the statements, so she was, quite obviously, thus christened, by her beau, Luke; Pam ‘Statements’.
Between then and now, she has brushed past over a hundred employees (without them realising), including all the form-experts and stalwarts, and now stands firm at the helm, next to Gary, running the company on a daily basis.
But how has she built up such momentum during her rise and rise? What are her secrets to success? In 2013, how does a real and ruthless workplace killer get to the top? Let’s look on..
Apart from being a clear communicator, who is capable of following instructions to the ‘T’, and does not start a task until she perfectly understands it, Pam has taken a firm hold of two golden rules:
1) She realises that the world is a kind place to girls that always smile and make a nice face. Every door is opened. Every welcome extended to her. Everyone wants to be helpful. Her brother, Johnnie, recently came to London, and I invited him and Pam to come and have a little tour of London. Our first stop was at the London Dungeon, to see how all the naughty Punters and Staff, of olde, were treated in days gone by. I managed to bang my knee on one of the rides and spent a few minutes making a pained face. Even then, at my most wet, high-maintenance, and annoying, Pam retained sympathy, and didn’t fluster or tell me to pull myself together. Even then, Blog! 2) She never stops. Never. Always moving forward, like a tank in the jungle. Pam is a multi-tasking machine, marching through all of the gambling commission’s and auditor’s forms, specifically designed to break the spirits of mortal and sane man.
But is Gaul Wood in danger? Does he sit easy, with Pam looking over his shoulder, preparing for the kill? Is it getting a little hot in the kitchen and sticky under the collar, for Mr Wood?? Star Spreads are now offering a price on when Ms Statements takes reign at only 18-21 months. Where are the buyers, Gaul Wood? Where are they, we ask?! When it happens, Gaul won’t even know. He will be a willing accomplice, like a compliant and obedient member of a cult. But now I’m asking, Blog, will I be Jaws’s final meal?! What’s the spread on me??!!
In other news:
Okay, so ‘Red Ed’, and his comrades at The Guardian, have loved the last couple of weeks, being able to lap up the Daily Mail’s lack of class in attacking the Labour leader’s dad’s political views. Since then though, rather than sticking to publishing pretentious recipes for organic okra stew, entertaining skullards like Morrissey, and ever defending their over-paid and spoilt, public-sector wage-slave readership, they have compromised national security for the Western World. Far worse still though; also the PERSONAL FAMILY DETAILS of special forces workers, who already dedicate their careers, and risk their lives, for the country’s sake, on a daily basis. This really isn’t 1-1, Blog. It really isn’t.
Calls are being made for The Guardian to apologise. Apologise? How does doing an easy ‘ssssorrrreeeeyyyyy’ help? If Obama and Cammo have got a pair of balls between them, they’ll make sure of two things: Firstly; that The Guardian editor; not only loses his job, but is also criminally charged, at the highest level, for his deliberately defiant and destructive actions, that were way, way above his station to carry out. Secondly; Edward Snowden has recently been given a silly award by a group of fellow, arrogant and holier-than-thou, wannabe, modernist intellectuals. They have said that they know not of his whereabouts on this earth. He will most certainly, in the future, cost not only the noble hard work of, but also lives, of many of our bravest security forces personnel. We vote-in professionals, to then run the country in the way they see fit. Many things are above the necessity, and expertise of understanding, for the armchair-politician public. Mr Cameron should make sure that, as to not risk future silliness from this fool, his final resting place on this earth is another fact not known to the rest of the world, and too, his band of imbecilic and dangerous supporters.
Coming home tomorrow.