BEN’S BLOG: ‘Annoying Sounds’

[dropcap]B[/dropcap]log, whilst taking the brave trek, from our pitch on the beach, hidden from the wind, over to the bar, Belinda stopped to turn and look directly at me.

‘Stop!’, was the command given.

‘Stop what?’.

‘Stop making annoying sounds like an old person when you walk! I don’t love you when you make these sounds!’ (Delivered with real Latin fire!).

I was then duly informed that my varied soundtrack of light sniffing, farting, clearing my throat when walking, quiet burps after dinner, moving around in the night, and breathing loudly when waking up in the morning, had most definitely taken its toll.

Henceforth, I shall make every effort to follow Sophia Loren’s advice for eternal youth. And that is to ‘sit up straight and make less old person noises.’

In other news:

What’s wrong with the Star Army at the moment? We’re dropping like flies. Max Shoes had a terrible fall at Coventry Dogs last year, and since hasn’t been able to properly regain his balance. Surely though, Blog, anyone who is referred to as ‘Mr Shoes’, should have designed himself some special balance assisting space-man-esque footwear to aide his cause? Come on, Max!

News also reaches me, that Ladbrokes and William Hill shares have risen sharply, due to the news that our beloved hustler, Mark Maskell, has had a terrible stroke and is out of action. Mark, one our most loyal and long serving associates, will now be taking some time off from causing havoc in the Big Three’s betting-shops, across East London and Essex.

This blog sends love and best wishes to our above two mentioned friends. Speedy recoveries, are the order of the day, chaps.

B x