AUTHOR: Star Sports Content

BEN’S BLOG: ‘Ben Keith – Chief Middle-East Adviser to David Cameron’

ben_keith_team-150x150Dear Cammo,

Re: Iraq

Pl observe the following and you’ll be fine:

Don’t

Don’t send aide parcels (they will be stolen and sold on),

Don’t

Don’t send money (as above, but in the name of religion),

Don’t

Don’t delay in selling them weapons (they will only buy them off someone else otherwise),

Don’t

Don’t sell them bombs (they might use them on us, and you won’t be able to sell them as many guns if it doesn’t go on for years),

Don’t

Don’t attempt to kill their leaders (there are hundreds of other proud-nutter, Saddam types, looking to come through),

Don’t

Don’t give any of them asylum (within six months, they will hate the flag, and be giving us guilt trips as to why we aren’t more like them),

Don’t

Don’t talk to any Iraqi politicians/lobbyists in London, about the issue, just cross the road when you see them (unless you’re going to shout over that you’re leaving it will Tony and George to deal with everything again),

Don’t

Don’t send soldiers (unless you’re going to bomb them and nick their oil),

Don’t

Don’t do anything for any of them, at any point, in any way (it will only be wrong, or all your fault, later down the line.)

In other news:

Corporate Bullshit Watch: Had dinner, last night, at Como Lario, with Giraffebet owner, founder, CEO, MD, and Head of Trading; Harry Macadam (had to call the Portions Police in, re an undersized Panna Cotta, I’m afraid, Blog). Harry said he heard someone recently referring to their ‘CMO’. Yes, Blog, you can’t say ‘Marketing Man’ anymore. That would be too obvious and straightforward. You have to say ‘Chief Marketing Officer’. Ok, let’s get it right, please; the ‘Chief’, is the cool dude in ‘One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest’, and ‘officers’, are in the army or police-force. GET A GRIP, AND DO SOME WORK, YOU STUPID BULLSHITTERS.

Over and out, B x

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