AUTHOR: James Dowen

BEN’S BLOG: ‘Cosas de la vida’

ben_keith_team-150x150Β [dropcap]H[/dropcap]i Blog, how’s it going? Ask yourself this question, please: Have YOU made time recently, to vilify and bate any corporate people? Has the nice-face, that you have to constantly make when you’re around them, boiled over and erupted, when you can take no more of their childish oneupmanship? I think what gets me more than anything is the vocab of it all. The insecurity they feel, so deep-rooted, that they have to try and cling on to their hollow positions, by creating new-fangled and impersonal words to describe tasks that humans carry out together.

Last night, after a day of Skype meetings, helping the thirsty, drink fresh water that we have led them to long ago, myself and Star managing-director, Gaul Wood, decided to retire to the The Windmill pub, for a pie. To let off a bit of steam, once we’d ordered some grub, and the glands in our mouths were letting out a little bit of extra bile, we thought we’d expend some of it on the corporate people and the silly words they use.

The most contemptible word I could come up with at the time, was the word used for ‘let’s work together and make a saving’, which is: ‘synergy’.

Gaul took gold though, and nearly made me choke on a lump of chicken. He said that, whilst wading though the bullshit at the ICE Betting Show, he heard one of the Daleks use the phrase ‘mine down’. On researching it, he found that this was a way of saying ‘look into and research something’.

These people can’t behave or communicate in a human manner. Thus, they can’t expect to be treated like brothers. When Mr Cameron is moved to one side, and I take over, they will be first on the list to receive visits from my personally managed death-squads. I simply can’t wait!!!

In other news:

outStarting to get a bit fucked-off with the neighbours clumping around all night? Does it annoy you when someone nicks the parking space outside your home? Well, put that aside, and spare a thought for the residents of Hardhorn; a small village in Lancashire. (I am unable to say or write the word ‘Lancashire’ without secretly singing to myself ‘Ohhh Lancy, Lancy.. like they do at the cricket). Four years ago, some fields were bought, next to the village. Immediately, they were tarmac’d over, and on moved a collection “Travelers”. Since then, there has been legal battle after legal battle, with the “Travelers” claiming every right and civil liberty (eeuurrgghh) in the book; rejected each time, but still not moving on. Why should there be one rule for some and another for others? I have been delighted to see the army getting stuck in recently, helping with the flooding. They should have been sent in to Hardhorn, four years ago, a day after the first order was ignored, to help the “Travelers” depart.

How about a bit less talking about all of the passengers rights and entitlements, and instead talking about their responsibilities? Its not for the ‘Theys’ to pay and do everything that is remotely out of the way of the average human being living in this country. If people will not bring anything to the party, they need to be excluded from enjoying the cheese and pineapple on sticks and from pulling Christmas crackers with others. We, as a whole, must accept that there is simply NO MONEY left in Blighty. ALL of our quality assets are being sold to foreigners, and unless we want to start the printing money game, like they did in Argentina when they thought that looked fun, we have really got to pull our fingers out and stop wasting money, and that even more valuable commodity; time, on people who are taking the piss out of the system.

In Spain or Italy, saying you haven’t heard of Eros Ramazzotti, would be like, in England, saying you don’t know who Elton John is. He makes great music and, on top of that, specialises in having exotic and extremely attractive Italian women in his videos. Enjoy this one on me…

Keep going, B x

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