BEN’S BLOG: ‘Someone get on the phone to Israel and tell them to prepare themselves for a PROPER INVASION!’

[dropcap]H[/dropcap]aving done business with virtually ever member of the UK Jewish community, I have decided that it’s high time, to stop messing around with all of these plastic versions, and go over to Israel to check out the real deals!

As part of my relentless social-climbing slog, some years ago, I palled-up with Marc Shooter, who, at the time, was the Mayor of Hendon. Despite being unable to get Marc to push through any inappropriate planning-permission coups during his reign, we have remained friends, and he has kindly invited me to his son’s Bar Mitzvah party, the week after Glorious Goodwood.

Israel Job List:

1) I am an uncultured and ignorant fat white English Yock (the Jewish word for species such as myself). So whilst Belinda traipses around, in the 40 degree heat, carrying a backpack (filled with warm sandwiches), getting a headache and needing wee, I shall, on behalf of the Israeli Tourist Board, be hitting the beach, giving the local talent a good checking out, and rating as many historic ice-cream shops as possible.

2) As I have done many times, with warring-factions, at Yasar’s, in Blackhorse Road, whilst a bookmaker at Walthamstow Dogs, I shall be organising a group kebab, to sort out all of these local Bad-Mood-Faces. Peace? This is a formality, you fools! They’ll be betting to 3% a runner and doing daily-knockouts before they even know it!!

ISRAEL, BRACE YOURSELVES..!!

In other news:

Como Lario, 18-22 Holbein Place, SW1W 8NL WEB SITE. The calamari is back! Boycott over!! You know I’ve blogged it already, but check out my Vlog…

Over and out, B x