AUTHOR: Star Sports Content

BEN KEITH: Gaul Wood in Non Ooly-Fooly Restaurant Recommendation SHOCKER / Good Luck Tony Bloom!!

Gaul Wood, who I have been banned from referring to as ‘my right-hand-man’ (the corporate people and truth-censors at Star seem to be infiltrating a little further every week), is normally a bastion of Ooly Fooly restaurant recommendations. A defender of artichoke paste, rocket, cumin, dark chocolate/coconut based desserts, samphire, and all other such pretentious and unnecessary products and additions of sustenance. Added to this, we recently attended a particularly painful work-group-socialising event and Gaul again showed that he is a small portion sympathiser. Squirming with delight, he announced to the table, after the starter, that he thought what he had just eaten was ‘quite delicious!’. I deadpanned him with ‘Gaul, it was so small I couldn’t even taste it, mate.’

Anyway, following a couple of recommendations that fell WELL below the required bar (the types of places the waiters wear trousers that finish an inch above the ankle and there are STRICTLY no chips or anything nice on the menu), Gaul has now produced the goods – in spades.

On the whole, non ooly-fooly restaurants have been driven out of Central London. So we recently took a journey out to North London, just to the right of Highgate, and arrived at Toffs Fish n Chips, of Muswell Hill.

They clearly know how the game works.

The lemon-sole was plumper, well grilled (crunchy skin – perfecto), and bigger, than I have experienced anywhere else. There was a superb pudding menu (old favourites for old-skool lardies, such as: chocolate pudding with custard, spotted dick etc etc), and the service impeccable. Just to be sure of standards, and in order to inform you fully, Blog, I also ordered a non-battered-sausage, on the side. Excellent and v meaty. They did however, fail on two fronts, the first certainly not minor: the chips were not cooked quite long enough and they didn’t do normal peas, opting only for the horrible mushy version. They claim to have been in business for thousands of years, so I thought they would have picked up on those two clues by now.

With Central London seemingly not having a decent fish n chip shop (I hear you cry “What about ‘The Seashell’ in Lisson Grove?!?!”, No, No, No, Blog! The small-portions AND under-cooked chips police had to be called in IMMEDIATELY there!), Toffs achieves a ‘very good’ rating. This equates to about an 8.5/10. Sort the chips and normal peas situation out and they would cruise to a 10/10.

In other news:

I was running along the canal to Camden, yesterday, and I bumped into Tony Bloom and his mum and dad, who were walking towards me, Tony at the helm; pushing a pram. When I was nineteen I made my way out to Gibraltar to work for Tony. It was my first life adventure. I learnt so much from him, principles I still work to daily, now, and during future life-adventures that turned into disasters, was so lucky to have his friendship and assistance, to extricate myself and continue the battle. Tony has lived the dream, but at the same time, done well by everyone he has dealt with. In the coming week, Tony is trying to succeed in his ultimate life-adventure and ambition, of bringing Brighton and Hove Albion to the Premier League.

Tony, I wish you the very best of luck! I’m eternally indebted to you, and if I could do anything to help you, I would. Sadly though, I don’t have £60million available to buy Ronaldo, in the coming week, for BHA. If that lack of readdies situation clears in the next forty-eight hours, I shall certainly let you know!!

Ben x