SIMON NOTT BETTING BLOG: Cheltenham Thursday

When I pulled open the curtains of my superior Queen’s Hotel room this morning the sky outside looked like the opening credits of The Simpsons, writes SIMON NOTT.

OK, some of that’s a lie, but the weather was lovely, no wind and sunshine, ideal for Cheltenham’s mare’s only seven-race card.

The team today, resplendent in jeans but hidden by the rail – only joking – were once again Lofty and Tony. They bet in pitch seven on the rail today, nudged down one in the near middle of the 13 plying their trade there.

1:35 (New) KTDA Fillies’ Juvenile Handicap Hurdle (Premier Handicap) (GBB Race) (Class 1) (4yo) 2m1f (2m179y)

The opening race of the day saw a short one in Willie Mullins’ Sainte Lucie, which was 6/4 sporadically and snapped up by the fleet of foot each time it popped its head above the parapet. Even Tim ‘Bigger Than The Machine’ Brown had to wave the white flag at that price.

At the off, the jolly was a solid 5/4. Star Sports laid had a £600 – £400 in their turn, it was a loser for £1400 at the off with £1400 in the hod.

The Irish raider won the race, just not the one that the punters expected. Lagoon Nebula, trained by Andrew Kinirons, won the race under Sean O’Keefe at 28/1!

A cracking result for the ring and the Star Sports book, which copped £1120. Willie Mullins’ hotpot hung in there for fifth, adding £896 to his trainer championship quest, so not a totally wasted journey.

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2:10 (New) Exertis-Samsung Racing Excellence Award Challenger Series Mares’ Chase Final Handicap Chase (GBB) (Class 2) (5yo+) 3m1½f (3m1f56y)

Next up and a 13 runner handicap chase. The crowd looked a lot bigger today, but if you shook them all upside you’d struggle to extract a monkey from them, or at least that’s how it felt.

One lady complained that she couldn’t use her credit card. When it was explained to her that the government didn’t want her to spend more money betting than she could afford, she retorted that if her credit card company thought she could afford it, who were they to say…

Talking of monkeys, the book held £499 at the off with the 9/4 jolly Coco Mademoiselle losing £680 and Sainte Doctor £20. Not clever.

The bogie fell unhurt when still not really in contention. The race went to 15/2 chance Minniemum, which copped £150 in the book. Spinning Mick Cannon gave today a swerve, I was tempted to amplify the volumes won as he’d be sure to be watching, but I only write the truth in these betting ring reports.

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2:45 (New) Catesby Estates Mares’ Challenger Series Final Handicap Hurdle (Series Final) (GBB Race) (Class 2) (4yo+) 2m4½f (2m4f127y)

Lofty and Tony grafted away in the next, it paid dividends when a punter had £2600 – £400 and £900 – £100 Pretending. Yes, I’m reporting £100 bets…so you know the score.

At the off, the book held £1050 with those two the bogies. While I have your attention, spare a thought for poor Baz the Tash, he ran into a forecast and did £1200 on the previous race.

Meanwhile, Greyval won at 13/2, out-battling the £2200 bogie Bethpage into second very close home with Pretending back in third. ‘£3000 turnaround’ chirped Lofty, the winner copped £800. For those left traumatised by the Baz story, put away the tissues, he reported getting plenty back on the race too, smiles all around then!

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3:20 (New) Brooklands Watches Golden Miller Racing Holman Handicap Chase (GBB Race) (Class 3) (5yo+ 0-125) 2m4½f (2m4f127y)

It all went on in the next. Gary the runner came up looking forlorn, not only did he blow £30 on the first favourite but forgot to put his wife’s £2 on the winner of the race. He said he lost £50 to her out of his own pocket, I’d like to point out the winner returned 28/1, yes dear reader, imagine flimping your wife.

Meanwhile, down the line, a bookmaker that offers odds bigger than Betfair didn’t cut a man’s bet in half; he offered him a third, £130, but at least he laid him something with the fractions, an arb too, no Betfair twisting on that firm.

Then, the biggest horror of the lot, Lofty laid a punter £16,000 – £4000 Theatre Native, then hedged a grand of it in the ring, he didn’t even earn out of it. His reasoning being that bookies don’t carry cash like they used to, plus it’s good to spread the money about on a quiet day.

There was a warning to bookmakers during the race. One of the rail firms took a moody score, it wasn’t bad and the first I’d seen. Close scrutiny showed it up, but on a busy day beware.

Theatre Native ran out the easiest winner of the day so far, the book lost £12,000. Lofty knew, well done for hedging big fella.

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3:55 Changing Young Lives At Jamie’s Farm Mares’ Novices’ Hurdle (Listed Race) (GBB Race) (Class 1) (4yo+) 2m4½f (2m4f56y)

‘After the Lord Mayor’s show’ bemoaned Lofty, looking into a book holding £443. The big punter drew but was happy with his stake back than a bank transfer. He then promptly had a lump on Jubilee Alpha, but not with Star Sports, but down the rail.

Between races, Darran Pearce, the Hunter chase judge, and his son came down to say hello. He’s been on fire this season and is looking forward to the Cheltenham finale in a few weeks. At the off of this race, the duo had prised £546 from the punters.

Jubilee Alpha won the race at 4/1. It’s a funny old game. The book won £336. The firm that laid the punter told Lofty what they could have lost had the punter stuck with them, eye-watering!

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4:30 Weatherite Air Conditioning Handicap Chase (GBB Race) (Class 2) (5yo+ 0-150) 3m2f

The betting in the penultimate revolved around the weakness of Somespring Special, which was tipped up by some top judges this morning. She opened at 5/4 but was a 5/2 shot by the time the field set off so hardly inspiring. Tony and Lofty had fielded £1200 in modest bets so worked hard, the bogie was Shakeyatailfeather losing a grand in the book, the friendless jolly a virtual taker.

As it turned out, there was nothing ominous about the drift on the original jolly, she ran well but was ultimately a well-beaten runner-up behind the 11/4 into 2/1 jolly Shakeyatailfeather.

‘They’ knew, as they say, though luckily the big staking they left Star Sports out but they still did a grand. Going into the last Lofty reported that the firm were losing £10,500. With just the bumper to go, there wasn’t a lot of chance winning on the day, let alone the meeting. ‘A good game played slow’ was a stoic Lofty’s summing up.

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5:05 (New) Junior Jumpers Mares’ Open National Hunt Flat Race (Category 1 Elimination) (GBB Race) (Class 2) (4-6yo) 2m1f (2m179y)

The lucky last did see some action, the firm lad £2500 – £500 Queens Abbey to the trade early on which was handy because there weren’t a lot of people in front of the joint.

In the meantime, Tim ‘bigger than Betfair’ Brown was making an early exit, not because he’s done his bollocks, but his exes after standing the stick on in the last for plenty.

Rumours had it that a punter nicknamed ‘Trigger’ beat him so he spat out the dummy, I’m sure he’ll be back, Tim that is, though I’m sure Trigger will too, after all, he’s got all Tim’s money.

The horses were going to post when Lofty and Tony laid a brace of £700-£200 bets on Sheezer Dancer. Bearing in mind the larger bets totalled £900 the field money of £1406 tells the story.

At the off, the firm were up the front two, £1347 Sheezer Dancer and £2468 Queens Abbey the rest good winners.

At last, it went the way of the good guys, Poetisa won the race at 20/1 and the lads enjoyed a skinner, nobody to pay and a flyer off the track with £1354 back from the punters to the good guys.

I’m back with Star Sports for Sandown next Friday and Saturday – thanks for reading.

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Views of authors do not necessarily represent views of Star Sports Bookmakers.

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Simon Nott is author of: Skint Mob! Tales from the Betting Ring
available on Kindle CLICK HERE FOR MORE DETAILS

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